#just feel. what's the words. frustrated and abandoned and alone. and too fucking disabled.

[milkweedman]

Sighs. Am trying to make dinner (on one foot, mid migraine, in a horrible flare up) which my sister said she'd help with. She did a few things (washed the carrots, cut up the beets which were supposed to be whole) and then said i clearly had it under control and went back to the computer. Still have tons left to do. Have no energy and am not even hungry.

[hello-nichya-here]

Why does comics!Zuko keep trying to show Azula sympathy/care when Azula hasn't really reciprocated and he himself have taken actions that indicate that he still hates Azula for abusing him, or at least partake in Ozai's abuse of him, thinks Azula's birth has made his life harder, and thinks of her a ghost of the past? In light of Iroh's "She's crazy and needs to go down" line, wouldn't it be better for everyone if Zuko cut Azula out of his life, or at least until she starts trying to act better?

Disclaimer: Comics!Zuko is an insult to the character because his “kindness” to Azula involved abandoning her in a institution that neglected and abused her, and didn’t even think about her until he needed her help. I refuse to accept that Zuko, after all the growth he went through, would accept such a place even existing in his nation, let alone send his sister there, regardless of whether he still had any love for Azula. But I’m going to pretend the comics didn’t botch him (which meant that Azula had every reason to mistrust his “kindness” considering it brought her nothing but misery) so I can clarify some important things.

“Why does he show her sympathy/care when she doesn’t reciprocate it?” Emotions aren’t rational. You don’t need someone to show you sympathy and care to feel that way about them.

“Why does he show her sympathy if it’s shown that he still resents/hate her on some level?” Feelings are complicated, messy and often contradictory, especially for someone as young and traumatized as Zuko (seriously, get that boy some therapy). He and Azula were taught to see each other as enemies, and have acted as such for a long time. Her breakdown after their Agni Kai humanized her in his eyes again and made him want to give her the same chances he was given, but that doesn’t mean all that baggage would suddenly disappear. It isn’t weird for him to care about her, but still have negative feelings towards her (Important: resenting or even hating her doesn’t mean he would be okay with her being a victim of any kind of abuse, and he sure as fuck wouldn’t be the one responsible for her suffering said abuse in the first place).

“She's crazy and needs to go down" That line is a “funny” (in 2005 logic) joke Iroh made about the character who could have killed him. It also gets a gross, dangerous conotation once the finale happens and Azula has a mental breakdown - the sadly still common idea that the disabled and mentally ill are fundamentally broken and need to be locked away or killed. It could have been seen as a moment that aged badly in a mostly great show, and most people would see it as a unfortunate case of the writers not thinking of the implications of saying something like that about a character that was then shown to be mentally ill. Unfortunately, it was said by Iroh, the character fans refuse to admit is also flawed and can be unfair to others - especially to Azula. So, they act like that bullshit is another case of “Wise words from uncle Iroh” instead of seeing it for what it is: a bad joke/Iroh pulling a Zuko and saying something horrible when he is angry. Don’t repeat that kind of ableist shit like it’s some kind of gospel truth.

“Wouldn't it be better for everyone if Zuko cut Azula out of his life?“ There are only two people being affected by Zuko still having contact with Azula: Zuko and Azula themselves. She has no political power anymore, she can’t fight the whole world by herself (and trying to do so could lead to Aang taking away her bending), and she is in a fragile mental state, meaning she is completely dependent on Zuko since he is the family member taking care of her. She isn’t a treat to anyone around her anymore, so their opinion on the matter doesn’t mean shit. Which leads us to:

“Wouldn’t it be better for Zuko if he cut her out of his life?” In my interpretation of Zuko, no. He thought that he had no choice but to his sister enemy forever, or until one of them died (possibly by the other’s hand), but the Agni Kai changed everything for him. On that moment, he saw that this rivalry Ozai forced upon them hurt her just as badly as it hurt him. He saw how Azula destroyed herself to gain Ozai’s approval, and he saw himself in her, because that would have also been his fate if he had not been banished and found people who cared for him and taught him to be better. He loved Azula when they were little, and wishes things had been different. And now he knows that things can still be salvaged between them. He made horrible mistakes too, but he managed to turn things around, so it makes sense that he would want to give Azula as many chances as she needed to become a better person - just like Iroh did to him. Giving up on his “evil” sister, would be giving up on the family they once were, and on the family that he now knows for a fact that they could still be.

“Would this radical decision from Zuko “teach her a lesson” and make her change for the better?” OF COURSE NOT! Why would it? Not only did every adult in Azula’s life fail to protect and guide her, the one defense mechanism she was taught by Ozai was to always find a way to be above everyone else, which meant she couldn’t truly connect with her friends and her brother. Azula ended up becoming such a cold and even cruel character because all she ever knew was isolation. Zuko turning his back on her would just confirm her fears that is fundamentally broken and can never change, meaning she wouldn’t even try because what would be the point? Zuko changed because he always Iroh by his side, even after his betrayal - the most he ever did was give him the cold shoulder for a few episodes, then he went right back to helping him, going as far as to tell him about Sozin and Roku. No one can change if they don’t have someone to help them see what they did wrong, why it was wrong, how to do better, and to support them, even on their bad days and relapses. Especially on their bad days and relapses. Zuko knows that better than anyone, so once he decided he wanted to help Azula, he would keep on showing her that he believed in her, even when he got frustrated, sad or angry.

“Until she starts trying to act better” I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming you mean that she should act like the best version of herself while still being a complex, flawed human being, like Zuko did, instead of becoming a hollow, empty shell (like Zuko was trying to be in his false redemption in Ba Sing Se, where he went from trying to be whatever Ozai expected of him to trying to be whatever Iroh expected of him, which wasn’t healthy at all). Should Azula try to be better? Obviously, but remember: she is a literal child-soldier who was taught that she doesn’t have to be kind or even see other’s as humans at all. “But so was Zuko!” some people will say, completely forgeting that Zuko spent three years away from Ozai, getting advice from Iroh, and he still was a complete disaster of a person until the second half of book three. Zuko spent 5/6 of the show failing to be better, yet the fandom as a whole loves him. Why is Azula expected to just magically heal when Zuko spent literal years refusing to cooperate? Why does the same fandom that sees Iroh’s attempts to save his nephew from himself as something noble, see Zuko’s attempt to do the same for his 14 year old sister as completely incomprehensible?

[lilyharvord]

The Chain (Part 1)

I’ve got two words for you all: Time Travel. Main concept: Two love struck idiots get sent back to a pretty UGH time period in their lives (that required me to reread all the books again) and have to hide the fact that they know everything. Stupidity ensues. Enjoy everyone. @redqueenetwork (this is what I mentioned to ya’ll in the chat, it’s finally here!!!) If you want a tag let me know. I don’t even know who is in the fandom anymore. 

“Don’t back her into the corner, whatever you do. We still don’t know what she’s capable of.” I hiss into my receiver as I sprint down another tight alleyway with Ella close on my tail. My hair sticks to my face as raindrops roll down my nose, and thunder rolls overhead. I swipe my hand across my forehead to push the annoying strands out of my face as we go. Behind me, Ella puffs out an annoyed sigh.

“She helped blow up a building Mare, I think we have a pretty decent idea of what she can do.” She admonishes as we round the corner, following Kilorn’s quickly relayed instructions from a moment ago. Ella and I had originally gone after the accomplice but after he hoped a fence and vanished into thin air, we had realized our mistake. He was a fucking teleporter, and therefore the perfect goose for our wild goose chase. We should have guessed something like this would happen. We needed the girl more than anything now. Sometimes I really hated being called into things like this. 

“Ella has a point.” 

“Agree with her one more time, Cal. I dare you.” I grumble into the receiver, pissed he is even chiming in. “Shouldn’t you be more focused on following our suspect and getting her to a place where we can make an arrest?”


“Trying.” Is his reply, followed by a burst of static from Kilorn probably messing with his receiver again. I reach up and bat at the piece in my ear, grinding my jaw against the sound. I could always just short the thing, but that wouldn’t really help with my frustration. It was my fault we lost the teleporter. I’d let him get too far ahead of me instead of just trying to incapacitate him. The last thing I wanted to do was cook him by mistake though. We wouldn’t get any information from a dead body. We needed that information if we wanted these bombings, and other things like them to stop though. 

We rounded the corner and I almost slammed into Kilorn’s back. He manages to dance out of my way. HIs expression is drawn tight, as he puts his arm out to stop Ella. With a quick gesture to the alley beyond the corner he says, “Cal is trying to talk her down.”

I push his arm out of my way and say, “No one engages Ardents alone, it’s a rule.” 

“She’s a kid Mare, they tend to respond to him better.” He says with a shrug, making me shake my head. If there is one thing Cal is still incredibly good at, it’s being a royal pain in my ass. He shouldn’t face anyone alone. Tyton had learned that the hard way when a young Ardent had put him in intensive care for three days. The last thing I need is Cal getting his leg broken because a kid hears what he has to say and doesn’t like it. My mother will never forgive him if he so much as has a bruise going into our wedding planning. Not that that was happening anytime soon, not now with the information I have tucked away to share tonight. I step around my best friend, who only passively tries to stop me. He knows that’s futile and steps back to stand with Ella as I slide around the corner.

My skin barks in protest as a wave of heat rolls over my skin. I hold my hand up to cover my eyes from the flames that circle Cal and the girl who has her back pressed up against the wall. She glares at him, her palms pressed to the brick and stone. I reach a hand out for the flames, knowing Cal will sense the shift in the flames distribution. Sure enough, the flames die in a small me-sized hole, giving me a chance to slip through them. They kiss the edges of my jacket and burn away the rain there.  

As soon as I enter the makeshift ring, the girl’s eyes fly to me over Cal’s shoulder. I know a cornered animal when I see one. She reminds me of myself too, which screams trouble. She’ll do anything to get out of that corner. Talking her down might not be an option, but we have a duty to her to at least try. Forcing my hands to remain at my sides I say, “We want to help.” 

“The last thing I need is your help.” She spit with a sneer and a raised chin. Definitely red, I realize in the light of the fire. She’s either an Ardent or a Red. I’m praying for a Red, they are far easier to apprehend and deal with during interrogation. 

The girl takes a step off the wall and holds a hand up in threat. Immediately my own hands light up with sparks, and Cal takes a step back to give me a clearer shot. The flames around us die as he channels that fire to a more useful source. Hopefully Ella senses the shift in the air and joins us to apprehend this kid. She can’t be older than sixteen, but that just makes her that much more dangerous. Younger Ardents were untapped fonts of power. 

The shadows from the early morning cut into the alley, and my lightning bathes us all in a deep purples glow. The dark shadows under the girl’s eyes are like bruises in this light. Her ragged breathing turns her into a woman possessed though. I try to dim my electricity, to prevent her from acting too brashly. She doesn’t take the hint, and instead takes another step closer to us. The air around us condenses until my ears pop painfully. 

I cry out at the sensation, almost dropping to a knee, and press my hands to my ears. Next to me, Cal pushes himself in front of me, using his own body to shield mine. I wish he would stop doing that, but no amount of arguing is going to change instinct, I’ve figured that out. Four years is a long time to spend with someone. You knew the intricacies of everything. In fact, if this still goes to plan, I can name exactly what he will want for breakfast after, down to how many cups of coffee he will need to stay awake for the rest of the day. 

A wicked wind snaps at me, ripping strands of hair out of my braid and extinguishing Cal’s flames completely. His hand on my shoulder is both a question and an order. If I’m incapable of standing, I need to get out of his way. If I’m capable, then I need to stand and help him. His voice carries even with the hurricane building around us, and he speaks to her like she hasn’t already made herself a danger to us. “Giselle, at least listen.” 

I have no idea how he got her name, but I file it away for later as I look up. She laughs at his attempt to negotiate, and brings her other hand away from her body, palm side up. The wind whips her auburn hair into a frenzy, but she does nothing to tame it. She should do what’s best for herself and listen. If she blatantly attacks us, her punishment will be more severe than blowing up an abandoned building. 

I grab onto Cal’s sleeve, as the wind tears at me as well. If I could just get a well-placed shot off, then I could disable her. Bringing my hand up, fingers spread, I take careful aim for the space right below her heart. Her eyes fly in my direction, and her lips fall into a tight line. “Don’t make me do it.” 

“Whatever you plan, you won’t be as fast as me,” I assure her, trying to rise to my feet completely. She shakes her head, her eyes growing just a hint wider as she states, “I can’t stop it now.” 

My stomach plummets, and my blood runs cold. What has she done? Is there another bomb? Is she about to set another one off somewhere else in the city? Somewhere that might actually be populated? 

“Whatever it is, we can stop it, if you just stand down.” Cal argues, keeping a tight hand on my arm, while his other arm tries to shield his eyes from the debris in the alley that the wind kicks up. Giselle shakes her head one more time, before looking down at her hands. Her entire body begins shaking, and with a smirk she says, “I’d tell you I’m sorry, but I’m not even sure where you’ll land.” 

My brows fly up into my hairline, and I grab Cal to pull him out of the way as she holds her hands out again. A body blow sends us flying backwards though, and through a wall. 

Immediately, my body goes into free-fall, and instinct kicks in as I try to flip myself over. There’s nothing but a wash of color around me though, and I end up tumbling in circles, simply trying to keep myself in one position. 

My hands seek purchase, and I manage to grasp Cal’s jacket again. His hand latches onto mine and I try to pull myself closer to him. I’m gasping for air though, unable to breathe. It feels like I’m being squished through a pipe the size of my pinkie, like how it used to feel when Shade teleported me. I wish I had opened my eyes during those times, maybe I would have seen the same wash of colors. Those trips always took a heartbeat though; this is taking seconds. I had never seen an Ardent that could teleport people and not themselves. Were Ardents evolving again? Julian said it was a possibility, but it should have taken hundreds of years, just like it had taken that long for us to appear in the first place. 

“Don’t let go,” I managed to gasp to Cal, as he tries to wrap an arm around my hips. I grip the front of his jacket with two hands, terrified of what will happen if I lose him in this tunnel. His answer is to squeeze me tightly to him. 

I press my face into his shoulder trying to inhale the scent he always carries with him. He smells more like the lake in Monfort now, probably because he keeps wearing this jacket when he walks around the lake with Kilorn. He should know better. It reeks of moist lake water. 

I glance over his shoulder only for something to catch my shoulder. I try to scream an alarm as my fingers release Cal, and I go spinning off to the side. My vision is limited but I still see him go limp from whatever hit he took. I scramble to grab at him, my fingers managing to catch his sleeve before we both collide with the side of the tunnel. 

It is like passing through a window, with multicolored glass shards explode around us. I spiral into darkness then, losing my weak grip on Cal completely. My chest heaves for air, and I try to force myself to be as loose as possible in case I end up hitting the ground. It’s a pointless exercise, any hit will kill me at this point. The pressure around me changes again, making me ears pop once more. Only a heartbeat later, I slam into something else, and finally fall unconscious.

[hereliesbitches--me]

Full name: Jacob Alvin McCool

Nickname(s) or Alias:

Abbadon

Papi (By Zoey alone)

Dad

Gender: Dude Species: Lesser Angel (Earth Angel variation) Age: 38 Birthday: December 25, 1977 Sexuality: Biromantic, but sexual trauma has left him very resistant about the touch of another man. Very narrow criteria for such a thing to happen, but not impossible Nationality: American, Scotish/Irish descent primarily. Has some latin roots from his mother’s side City or town of birth: San Francisco, USA Currently lives: New York City Languages spoken: English, mediocre grasp of spanish, some Gaelic phrases Accent/diction: Having lived in New York for more than half his life, he’s picked up on mixed dialects from different parts of the city.  But it's clear he's a New Yorker Relationship Status: Complicated, but Married with kids.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Height: 6’10 Weight: 400 pounds (His bones and muscle fibers are incredibly dense) Figure/build: Boxy, build like a tank. Inverted triangle shape with broad shoulders and a slightly narrower waist. Theres little to no fat content on him thanks to his unbelievably high metabolism, at least on the surface. Hair color: Black with subtle grey here and there if you look closely. Not that you would be able to. Short stacks Hairstyle: Shaggy, short cut. Never visits the barber, literally burns or chops his hair himself with claws bcuz of its dense fibers. His hair has a coarse strawlike texture bcuz he’s never learned to properly take care of it.

Eye colour: Sky blue Skin color: Warm beige Piercings: The only piercings he gets are from monster teeth, claws, bullets, and knives. Occasionally from being thrown through walls or cars and the shrapnel stabs a ew inches in. Not really too keen about getting a piercing tht can be pulled out in a fight Scars/distinguishing marks: Jacob is a patchwork of discolored scars all over, primarily from the experiments in the days before his regenerative abilities were fully triggered. His skin is rough, his hands and knuckles have well formed calluses, his face has priment scars down his eye, brow, nose, cheeks, and lips. Most of his major scars, particularly burn and piercing scars, are on his torso and his back.  His legs and arms are riddled with scrape and grazing scars, but are pretty well hidden under hair.

Preferred style of clothing: He essentially always looks like a caveman/ hobo at all hours. He has not had a true wardrobe change since he had clothes in his teens and early 20s given to him while he was doing illegal side jobs. His typical outfit is worn down dirty jeans, a black hoody thats got holes and tatters, and a white tshirt underneath. His pants and shirt seem ready to tear at the seams when he flexes but it aint broke yet, so he doesnt try to buy anything new.  He’s not used to having a lot of money so he’s stingy about what he uses it on. He basically uses it all on food or has Nikki manage it.

Frequently worn jewelry: A pair of dogtags with “DogBoy” embedded in them. Every other detail has been dented or scratched out. Belongs to who he believes to be his dad ( a man that everyone believes he made up)

HEALTH

Bad Habits:

Cigarette smoker ,

Junkfood eater,

Emotionally constipated and does not do well when faced with verbal confrontation about emotions (which adds to the complications of his marriage) . He’d much rather fuck it out and have everything be alright, but thats bcuz hes a neanderthal. Hes learned how to properly act and work through feelings

Has 0 kind of table manners. Eats like a wild dog. Has bad food aggression (which means, if he shares, he likes u)

Breaks shit when hes upset.

Any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: Suffers a mild form of psychosis, experiencing primarily auditory hallucinations. Because of his heightened supersenses, he is almost always overwhelmed at any time, though he’s learned to hide it, which leaves him incredibly irritable at all times. His ailment also causes him to have no filter in the things he says, which means he tends to say the first thing that comes to his mind, no matter how ridiculous and irrational it is. He suffers mild paranoia and irrational thoughts, which plays in part with the belief of who his parents are (His records are lost when they found him as a stray 7 year old in the streets of a natural disaster. He swears his father is a superhero called “ The dogboy '' of San francisco, his mother was killed by demons and his dad died stopping the natural disaster. Chalking it up to shock, they later believe its his delusions of grandeur in dealing with the trauma of his parents death. Which is, in fact, not true -- to be expanded on later ) . Along with that original condition, he also has symptoms of PTSD stemming from the events which triggered the full extent of his abilities.

Any medication regularly taken: As desperately as he wants to be medicated, his high metabolism makes it nearly impossible to be medicated with lasting effects, on top of his fear of hospitals , his only relief comes from Rosie’s ability to temporarily block and dull his senses to a livable level.

PERSONALITY

Personality: At first glance, Jacob would come off as your cliche bad ass bad boy type that's so haunted by his past that he won't let anyone in. Which, to some extent, he is. But, the major difference is Jacob doesn't use his past as a shield or an excuse for anything. He’s a traumatized man that's socially awkward and closed off from people because, with a reputation of being a monster and a killer everytime you try to help people, those words do hurt when that's all you've heard all your life. Jacob is a boy living in a man’s body, a clam that faces the world that damns him with a glare and a scowl in every initial meeting, til a string of kindness gets the turtle out of his shell. He perceives everyone as trying to hurt him or use him in some way, but be around him long enough and he begins to warm up. Despite his brutish nature out in the fighting field, behind closed doors he’s much more quiet. Keeps to himself, really only speaks when spoken to -- and anyone who tries to start a casual conversation with him will legitimately shock him because he’s hardly ever treated like a human being. He may start as a dickhead that ignores you and brushes you off, but with enough consistency his edges will soften. One catch is the fact that Jacaob is painfully blunt with one hell of a potty mouth, usually saying the first thing that comes to mind primarily because hes used to only talking to himself or his dog. Or snapping back at people in self defense. Ever since reuniting with his family, Jacob is learning to be more of a family man, along with playing nice with others (something which he’s never had to do before, and its like pulling teeth when they are loud idiots) He learns everyday and he’s trying to curb his initial dickish behavior to something more neutral, to learn to process and face emotions in a healthy manner, and be as close to normal as someone like him can get. Just dont be a dick and make demands, and he’ll be a good boy. Can't stand loud or pushy people invading his space

Strengths:

A diehard friend once you've gotten him out of his shell. He may be awkward but he’s willing to throw a bitch a few blocks if needed

P good shadow caster if u gotta hide from the sun since hes a tall bitch

Will lend u his jacket but it stinks. Sorry folks

Will try to make u friends with his kids. Especially his daughter, she needs friends and so does his wife

The scary one u send out to intimidate the shit out of people bcuz his reputation precedes him

Wanna get carried? People don't weigh anything to him. He could hold a couple of em in his tendrils

Weaknesses:

Food, especially sweets of any kind. He’s entirely  food motivated and his senses get thrown off by food. Because of his metabolism, he has to eat large quantities of food regularly.

Hyper senses means hes easily overwhelmed by particularly loud sounds and strong smells

He likes feeling like he's needed. He’s drawn to it. Deep down, he really is just a boy in the body of a man looking for a place in the world beyond being a big stupid weapon for everyone. He’s searching for that intimacy of understanding , gets frustrated so easily

His first meetings with people tend to be aggressive and dismissive, but its mainly because he’s unused to being greeted with kindness. He perceives that everyone is looking to take advantage of him or theyre trying to hurt him. He has a bad reputation because when he tries to help, he causes heavy collateral damage in the fight, thus painting him as a danger to the city. Used to being treated like a monster, so he clams up into his little bubble before he gets his feelings hurt. His paranoid thoughts dont help.

Electrocution can stun him better than any bullet, tank shell, or fire based weapon can. Also triggers trauma flashes

Fears/phobias:

Hospitals / Doctors / Medical equipment

Deep water (anything deep enough that he could drown in. Because of his dense body, he is not a strong swimmer and quickly sinks)

Being in chains and restrained

Abandonment / being alone / being rejected

Hobbies : 

Jacob has a part time job besides the angel project , working at a small hole in the wall bakery in the less than savory parts of New York City. He is a cashier and helps with the baking process , gets free samples, and closes because no one has the balls to try to break into the shop when he's there. .

He thoroughly enjoys baking and sharing that with his family. Cooking is one of the qualities he works on with Nikki to bond over.

Sparring with his twins. He tries his hardest to adjust to the abrupt change of his life, but he loves them. Doesn't want them to be tormented the way he was.

When he's not working or with the family, he aimlessly wanders around the city out of habit. Likes running and jumping across rooftops for fun.

Carving figurines out of wood or large stones he finds, using his claws

Theme Song:

Behind Blue Eyes by limp bizkit

I Dont Care by Fallout Boys

I know im a Wolf by Young Heretics

Quirks:

His sugary diet actually makes him have a natural sweet scent underneath his natural musk, especially his sweat. Jacob has restless leg syndrome when he sits, especially when he has particularly bad auditory hallucinations. Tends to sniffle, breathe heavy, and constantly run his hand through his hair to soothe himself. He swipes around his ear like there's an irritating bug because he tends to hear a buzzing a lot. It is known that he is considered one of the strongest angels in the world in terms of raw physical body power.

SKILLS

Ability to drive a car? Operate any other vehicles? Who even drives in New York? There’s public transportation, there's running across rooftops like the cryptid u are, or jacking someone’s bike. Yeah, he can drive, but not legally. He learned on his own and hasn’t really bothered with going for a license

Education: Dropped out of highschool in senior year, then got booted out of his foster home when he hit 18. Basically grew up in the street among criminals til he was kidnapped, so he has no real education beyond what he hardly paid attention to in school. He knows the basics of math, reading, writing -- has impeccable knowledge about human anatomy for illegal reasons, but no one gotta know that. He never thought about college or what kind of steady career he would have in life, he lives everything day by day. No one is gonna say no to Jacob McCool without pissin themselves

EATING HABITS

Omnivore/Carnivore/Herbivore: Omnivore with a heavy preference for meat as a primary part of his diet Favourite foods: Beef, lamb, poultry, Sweet rolls, Cake, Donuts, ice cream, candy

Disliked foods: Not an avid vegetable eater in the slightest. Will not eat it raw. Someone gotta make it appealing or trick him into eating it.

COMBAT

Peaceful or aggressive attitude? Jacob is irritable and only wants to help people. He’s not usually one to start shit unless he thinks absolutely necessary, nor is he the first to throw a punch. But once that can of worms is open and he thinks it's a worthy cause, he’ll fold a bitch like a pretzel. Humans aren't even worth his time, but nonhumans? Monsters? He’ll jump right into the brawl when there's no talking to be done. Talking is what other people do, he’s the muscle there to fight.

Fighting skills/techniques: Jacob is a physical brawler in the heavyweight category. Hits like a truck and relies on his own body’s durability to withstand the blows thrown back at him. He’s a full on offense style fighter  that’ll utilize grappling , throwing, and breaking bones to end a fight. All he knows is to fight monsters until the other stops moving or taps out. He has to practice restraint, which is incredibly difficult.

Special skills:

Heightened senses + Physical abilities (Strength, endurance, etc) His nose is stronger than that of a bloodhound and his hearing can be incredibly acute if he has enough focus.

Regenerative healing abilities, though nearly impossible to actually hurt  

him when his muscle and bones are fortified for battle. Has not had a break since he was a child, before his abilities were fully triggered. Can even survive without his head for a while. If it's blown off, then his body will have no choice but to rebuild with the expense of a huge amount of energy.

Bodily mutations (His muscles swell, harden, and change color to metallic like armor mainly on his limbs – able to form massive clawed hands and shield, and generally protect major body parts. However, cannot completely mutate himself at once. Can only do parts. ) + thick tendrils from his back. Strong, but not very good reach. It strains him to push it.

Resilience to superheat + pressure. Could take a supernova blast and still survive. Even tank shells with nothing more than bruising

Weapon of choice: He fights barefisted for as long as he can, or his go to are his claws purely for smashing and slashing.

Weaknesses in combat: Jacob is often impulsive and doesnt think much about whats going on around him while fighting. He causes a lot of collateral damage when he uses the environment around him like breaking off lamp posts, throwing cars, pieces of asphalt, etc. He thinks with an adrenaline fueled brain and somebody’s gotta slow him down . Because he’s a physical based fighter, he does not do well against magic users. He also hates the cold. Opponents like that are like hsi achilles and he shows wariness and discomfort when facing em. He does not like having the disadvantage but it effectively deterred him from just running in. Thinks with his stomach and doesnt exactly do well in fighting when he’s hungry

FAMILY, FRIENDS AND FOES

Personal history: Jacob has a complex history, but for him not even he's all sure what's truth from fiction. What he remembers from the earliest memories of his childhood was a fight that shook the world. Where demons overrun, people are being slaughtered, and his father fights the big monster in the sky, then in a flash everything is destroyed and gone. His mother hides him, then just like that he was alone. Jacob is found a few days later as rescuers search the destroyed remains of san francisco after what is considered the worst earthquake ever recorded, an event which affected the entirety of the United States. He’s only a 7 year old boy at this time , bloodied and scraped up, saying his parents are missing. When they look for records or his names, Jacob Alvin McCool does not exist. No birth certificate, no medical records, nothing. He knows his name and the name of his parents, but  there is nothing to be found. He has no choice but to become a ward of the state and becomes swept into the foster system. Where he would move home to home until he was 18 years old and dumped on the street. Jacob was considered a problem child unlike a regular boy; He was moody, destructive, unnatural with the things he talked about. He was stronger than other kids and broke things without meaning to, but when it happens regularly people doubt the truth to the constant excuse of “It was an accident” He had acute hearing, his teeth aren't normal, his eyes have an uncomfortable intensity for a boy so small, and he doesn't get along with others. Hes sent to therapy and everything he says is unbelievable. He’s sick, but it seems no amount of medication does anything to change it. He wont tell about all the bad things that happen when no one believes him, because there is no evidence for it. Its all in his head. Every parent who had him struggled, and eventually gave the boy up to the next set of hands with nothing but a garbage bag full of clothes. Every exchange closes the boy up more and more, pushing him further to get into troubling groups that seem just like him, since thats what everyone says about him. From highschool onward jacob was already running drugs and taking petty jobs for cash, but his reputation as a fighter was well known among them. No one fucks with the big guy At least not until someone is willing to pay good money to have him. Jacob turns 18 and dropped out his senior year of highschool, not that he was a stellar student to begin with, but his parents at the time couldn't care less what that wild boy did with himself. It was for that reason, when he disappeared, not a soul cared. For 4 years Jacob is kept secret, for someone else believes his story about his father, and someone wants to see his full potential reached as the father before him . They would achieve that no matter what it took. 4 years of Hell to add onto his shit life: tortured, shocked, pumped full of chemicals, starved. Stressed to the limit, pushed to the brink of death and brought back over and over again, scarred and branded, til it was finally enough to trigger the dormant gene. The monster they codenamed Abbadon is born, and far more than they bargained for. With nothing but a trail of red and a mess of meat left over in the hallways, their prized experiment returned to the world from the depths of Hell, and there was no damn way to get him back. That broken boy was now a animal filled with rage and fear. He has no home, no money, no friends or family -- at least, until he remembers Jimmy. Which led him to make the trip cross country to find his brother. Its thanks to jimmy that jacob even found his footing, for his brother came from a wealthy family, and was a genius that worked for the government to make weapons that handle their demon problem in the city. The idea is hatched then, with his new powers, that fighting demons and saving the city would be a good way to pass the time. Things dont always work out in your favor when you lack control, and people are afraid of anything not like themselves. Despite the hate and labels, he still tries to save the day then goes into hiding. Goes back to taking odd jobs and underground fighting, where he met Rocky. 2 years later, he meets the 17 year old Nikki. It was one sided, but she was persistent in pursuing him, having nobody just like him. She was a girl on the run for her life, with no home or money, and she needed the company. Despite himself, he accepted her in, related with her, and thrived in the prospect that she needed him like no one else ever did. To save her from the mental suffering of being Neikan’s vessel, Jacob willingly makes a deal with Neikan to have nikki left alone in exchange for a kid. Abiding by to the terms, the 18 year old was expecting twins, but when tragedy struck she blames Jacob for the demise of the pregnancy, and damns him to never show his face again. Not knowing what else to do, equally distraught, he left her there and wouldnt see her again for another 8 years. Having no idea the events which followed, now that he was no longer shielding her. Jacob had lived on his own in all that time, secluded and trying to find his footing in the world, hes just keeping his head above water, til one fateful day when a 7 year old shows up on his doorstep claiming to be his daughter. Jacob, at 32, was in denial , but he did eventually give in to help the kid find her brother, and eventually find Nikki from Rosie. Currently Jacob is trying to adjust to his new life as a dad and a husband, with complications given that he and Nikki are not the same people they were all those years ago. Theyre learning to be friend, learning to love like they used to. Work it out for the sake of their teenage twins, and get to know each other properly this time around. Jacob is now a prominent member of the Angel project and works part time at a bakery. Whenever he’s not working, he’s with his family or he’s wandering around the city keeping an ear out for trouble. He’s become a little more respectable now that he’s working for the legal project, and it makes it easier to learn to be normal.

Raised by parents? No, raised through multiple foster homes and group homes, but never stable or happy because he was considered a problem child

Parents names: Jake Alvin McCool(The Dogboy) and Stacy Rivera (Biological parents no one believes exists)

Are parents alive or dead? Jake died by sacrificing himself to destroy Spurious in what would have been considered a battle for mankind, to spare his wife and son. Spurious survived slimy and traveled back in time to alter the future, to make Angels hunted and illegal , and the timeline in doing so completely altered the boy’s reality for that final fight to be nothing more than a catastrophic natural disaster on a continental scale . Stacy was killed by a demon but hid her son in time to keep him from being found. Jacob still has the knowledge of the true reality, but when they found him he was only a 7 year old boy by himself, with no records or anything to be found. He has to live his life being told the parents he swears exist and the events which occurred are simply hallucinations fed by his psychosis, and it drives him insane.

Siblings:

James(Jimmy) Jones ( Not biological, but had been in one of the group homes with Jacob for a period. During that time, they considered each other as brothers who have to watch each other’s backs, until they were separated by Jacob being moved again. They kept in contact through letters, til Jimmy was eventually adopted into the wealth Jones family. Jacob disappeared for years til suddenly making his appearance in New York out of the blue, where Jimmy now lived)

Relationship with siblings: Jimmy and Jacob had lost contact for a good 5 years before jacob reappeared in the city. They used to write letters to each other, but because of Jacob’s constant moving and nightlife , rarely any of his letters were returned. They are estranged brothers, mostly on Jacob’s part, but Jimmy still tries to take part in his life. He tries to invite jacob out, hang out with him even if Jacob is considered a criminal, though most of his attempts fall flat. Jacob doesnt exactly mean to alienate his brother from himself, but he cant bring himself to talk about the things that happened to him, and a part of him is afraid Jimmy will sniff it out. Now that they’re both older and parents, theyre working on better communication so their kids can hang out with each other. Even if Jimmy’s kids are dragons technically.

Partner/Spouse: Nikki Ai (Wife)

Children: Kaiya + Ericiel McCool ( A set of Fraternal twins, Ericiel is the oldest and Jacob did not meet them until they were 7 years old, when Kaiya showed up at his door claiming she was his daughter. With his twins having been presumed dead, he thought her nothing more of an illusion til he was fused with her pet blobby, who was in fact a portion of himself left behind with her. The start of their relationship was rocky with his denial, but he eventually did warm up to the idea and turned himself around. He loves his kids even if hes not entirely the best at showing it. Teenagers are just fuckin scary)

Best Friend:

Rocky Blagrove

Rosie Valentine

Ivan Bellemore

Other Friends:

Members of the Angel Project

Brian Howska ( A sweet idiot that helps teach other little angels how to fly)

Nute Norbery (Rocky’s former roommate. He, Rocky, Jacob, and Brian were a little gang of friends)

Enemies:

 Kasimir (Kasimir he cannot stand for the life of him. He’s too loud, does not respect personal boundaries, and too full of himself to be even likeable. Jacob is especially irritated that Kasimir swears to everyone that they’re best friends)

Spurious (The God has had a vendetta against the McCool family since his initial defeat by jake. While he has much grander plans of taking out the Sun, Moon, and other Gods, Ruining the peaceful life of the last McCool is on his shitlist. He personally likes to torment jacob by irritating his hallucinations with demeaning voices and stirring up his trauma. Jacob has a vague idea who Spurious is, but its more of an instinctual hatred for the being)

Neikan and the Negatives (Sure he made a deal with her, but tehyre trying to kill his wife so now he’s gotta protect his family from em)

Pets: Roxie, an Irishwolfhound who belonged to his father. She was Jake’s familiar and always finds a way of getting back to Jacob no matter where hes moved across the country.

Verses included in: 

- Iniquitous essence (The Bio above) 

- The Widow 

- TBA

[ecotone99]

[SF] Matilda and the Questionable Queen

[ XXX ]

It had been one long-ass battle after another: Matilda literally couldn’t stand up anymore from the trauma lacing her spine: inducing early onset Degenerative Disc Disease on her lumbar and collar bones. She wore her stupid Pocahontas ruffles even in her dreams: stuck a mascot of those victims enslaved and murdered for this Nation. She would always laugh at these weird props and situations meant to keep her hashtag humble: the gloves and the milk she could smell falling from her own chest somehow.

Matilda had no qualms with her ruffled collar, but had grown exhausted from the spike textured gloves strapped to the backside of her palms: another curse from Hera: acted out by Carmen. It were the same self-disgust she felt as a young girl: shamed for having kissed a boy she were once tethered to named Chucky. Matilda would panic naked in every shower even today: remembering Carmen and her shrill voice calling her disgusting. Her pale, scaly arm slowly reaching in and checking that the water could fully sanitize her whoredom. She were one of the witches that they had once campaigned to murder in Salem in a past life: the same villain in every story somehow.

She’d hold her tongue as she leaned over looking at their progress: dawning her frilled collar after her first incarnation: an Indigenous Warrior named Matoaka: a cursed name known only now as Pocahontas. It reminded her it were time to fuck some shit uppp: and that she had returned from the stars to help her friends while she gained her wings. She had been there to support Kness when his mother "Jake" who had been struggling with lyme disease: meeting a somber and lost Kness soon after her passing. He were lost with his siblings: Jada, and Cynths: left choosing between bottle and a mirror. She had also been an interesting and frustrating distraction to Harper: when his elder sister were battling sickness, his boundaries set specifically to keep her out of the loop. Matilda hadn't wished herself on these planes of existence: she had been summoned in their dreams: exiting because of one: dying inside because of the other. Never allowed to state an answer to either: left in limbo alone. She no longer believed in romance because of these two tall men: still managing to care deeply somehow as she still blushed if she had to look at them.

Such lunacy warranted a cot in the mad house: so Matilda went on her way without overthinking why this one individual bothered her so much. Surrounded by love and support: finally safe from the grasp of the woman who used to try and rip off her face. She were along the lines of the cunning and unpredictable evils she often avoided deep in the dark webs of her Golden Apple. Carmen were not to be trusted in the exact respects to how Matilda felt aboot the Questionable Queen in the East: her families rule dubious in sexual proclivities and violence. Finally Matilda had decided on a name for this queen that fit her old wrinkled face: a name given on a random whim: Queen Cersei. Matilda needn’t bash this old queen and her family since they did equally fucked up things: on ever timeline. Instead she cursed her readers blind if they ever chose to unsee it as she had commanded: watching the growing proof she had ordered the execution of the Princess of Wales the over-romanticized marriage to her own cousin. The queen forever de-crowned only by vanity somehow.

Matilda had only found the old queen after she had seen her worm and minion: a beast with no face: Benedict XVI. He had came out of his slimy hole after his predecessor out shined him with his take on the future: mad the new wizard had allowed them to be written in Matilda's permanent ink admitting themselves child molesters. Such slimy sons of bitches thinking they were slick locking her in a catacomb of static. Only remembering when she caught them trading posts: hypnotizing the people of the world with their magic Golden Rod. Matilda couldn’t wait to break that shit: or shove it up their butts. She hadn’t quite decided somehow.

Matilda were tired of the rape and pillaging over all this nonsense: no options other than to rip her spirit from her body until she could prove she were ready to elevate all those around her. Instead of always running from the Queen Cersei through space and time: Matilda hid her Indigenous Warriors in a dimension where they were safe. She put her wounded family in Tipis that were always half-full and a warm chant that kept them alive: A. She hid her Dupree standing in plain sight with his arms held up as he bore the weight of the world on his back kneeling from an injured shin: Y. Lastly she hid her Viking in his beloved lost culture: V. She were already: I and O. Sitting there in plain sight for all of times: mocking all those who dared wear the headdress that represented such an intellectual Nation built of alchemists. She knew her fellow criminals and occasional fuck ups would remember her smile the more time passed on: making them repent in their lives over and over again with sickness of disability or crime: according to their previous lives as traitor(s) overthrowing her rule. Sitting in plain sight as both a criminal and disabled individual who vaguely remembered being overthrown as ruler and had to turn a Golden Apple inside out in order to remake a Kness and find a Viking. Mad she were still unarmed, creating code in hidden in alphabets that she made forever ago: naked and chained to a wall...drifting through space somehow.

Matilda had flipped an apple inside out by blowing yo minds. Boom. That’s how you debate. Either way she were still stuck forever having caught ya’ll up on the deets of whatever shit is aboot to go down. Endgame style. She had lifted a veil of confusion for herself as watched as others looked for her finally in words and symbols everywhere, a Greenman walking in a tech filled world. Matilda knew her only job was to kill some beasts whenever she got a command from tech support. Her job was only to confess her sins in away that reflected the gracefulness of the last name Brooks, and hope that all those around her would finally love their children. Seeing that they were people too, and know that they needed help by others who weren’t their parents. Orphans just like Matilda: sad that the world left them behind as children somehow.

Matilda had no solution or series build up of a grandeur epic battle showdown. She did not believe in drawn out characters and open plot holes created to beat a dead horse for profit. Instead she memorialized her friends in a book: trusting their judgement in people as they had decided in their previous lives: hidden in plain sight. Instead she dedicated this book to her birth mother: A woman named Melissa Brooks: a beautiful, tragically fallen Indigenous Warrior. No words can say moments lost by anger, and so Matilda wrote her a book: in her sadness wondering why she had been abandoned. It was not her right to ask her how she had came to be so broken: but only drink her tears from a magic vase if it meant she understood privilege. Matilda had use this manuscript to weep her tears and refill her vase: mending it with her joy. She were finally a woman strong enough to understand that sometimes awful things happen, and that she had to work extra hard to differentiate what was right and wrong with the aid of her friends. Matilda was finally free to be a person of situation: no longer a victim to circumstances, finally gentle enough to say she were sorry for all the damage she had done. She would tuck away the vase left by Melissa for another winter: her tears still needed but no longer burdening. She would thank her elders for their efforts providing her clean water and air and continue to try and save their children from the epidemic of youth suicide, finally ready to let go of her past. She had wrote this as her dreams erupted when a scholar from Marysville had taken the lives of his peers: despite the fact he we an angel on Earth. The Indigenous Warrior had fell sick to the ways of Western culture, and Matilda now only worried aboot the rest of her scholars. She would have dreams walking up to him: begging him to put the gun down or point it at her in a crowded cafeteria. She would return telling him stories to calm his demons, always to the same result. She would say softly: this isn’t who we are fam, finally truly sorry that the statistics and facts only proved him right. Clamoring with her sweaty hands: annoyed she could still feel her gloves i her dreams. She were always unarmed or forfeiting her weapon. Other students were now in danger: scared he were no longer an Indigenous Warrior she could resurrect if he spilled blood. It would take almost three days and no sleep to write down the entirety of the story she once told him in his murderous rage dreaming: preparing to earn the title of privilege of life-taker like all the other dead-eyed savages. Matilda would now only reflect on that dream that became reality: shooketh to the core by how fucking awful this story panned out. Ending it all with a simple warning for her peoples: to never partake in human flesh, human waste, or bloodshed. She had broken the loop by finding her lost scholar and naming him after his once kind and gentle heart: Jaylen. Finally executing her mission by whispering: the last curses in the manuscript that had once started this all: Eureka.

submitted by /u/spacecaptainbrooks03 [link] [comments] via Blogger http://bit.ly/2IM7wws

[realityofrealism-blog]

Brush Strokes of Pain and Love

Did you think I was your "How to be a Man” guide?

 The way that I've proven to be for so many men before you.

 The one that would come into your life and show you what to love about yourself. The one that would show you what it means to accept the parts about yourself that aren't perfect that add to your character, and to change the parts that are harmful to your own well being and the people around you.

Because I did show you these things, and that I've taken pride in... but with that pride, now also comes slight resentment since you’ve cut me out of your life.

This is where I feel conflicted... because when you love someone, you're supposed to do so outside of your own needs and wants... but is that philosophy actually one of loving someone and being in love with them? Or does it just mean that you have a love FOR someone?

 There’s a fine line.

 [Fuck. Maybe I'm just as confused during this period as you claim to be... Maybe it's been awhile since I took an introspective view on myself, and how my emotions influence my views on what i deserve. Supposedly we accept the love we think we deserve. Do I deserve this though? Do I deserve to keep investing my time and emotions into people that don’t return that effort?   I used to feel like a badass bitch that was motivated with goals... now I honestly just feel like a straight bitch half of the time, lacking the badass qualities I once possessed. I feel jaded, and bitter because of it; I hate that I feel this way. I (subconsciously) carried all the dead weight in this relationship, which took my focus away from the things that I loved to do… which ironically probably made me less desirable for you. What a fucking joke.]

 I'm more than just a mirror that reflects the most realist version of you. You, just like so many other men, play it cool. You have this easy going facade up to fool everyone around you. But the people that actually know you, see beneath the surface.

 I see beneath the distracting glare of your glossy surface.

 I didn't just see beneath the surface... I scratched it... revealing underlying demons that needed to be dealt with. I excavated your soul. I bet that scares the shit out of you. Honestly, it scares the shit out of me too. It all scares me, because you picked scabs of mine that never fully healed... leaving me alone with deeper emotional scars than what I had before. I’m now left with thoughts like: how could you do this to me? Letting me think that I could trust this part of myself in your hands, just for you to abandon me? I lent you strength to approach the skeletons in your closet, and you left before ever returning that strength to me to deal with my own issues. We could’ve grown together. Why are you okay with seeing me this way? I’m a fucking wreck… will I be the artist that created this “new and improved” painting of you, that won’t get recognition for all the grueling late nights, blood, sweat, and mostly tears that were spent together? I was there too, you know. I put in the time too. Did I just make you really great for someone else, at my expense? Is this where I send you an invoice for my time and investment? [I’m obviously joking with that last question; don’t mind me. Just trying to keep my sanity here, people!!!!! Okay, back to the heavy.]

 I knew you.

 Or I suppose I thought that I did, though lately you've been full of surprises. Surprises that leave me both confused and disabled all at once. How did something that felt so right and natural go so wrong somewhere along the line? Maybe that's part of my issue? My inability to accept the way that things are between us right now. I met you and genuinely felt like I had met my best friend; my soul mate. Everything just fit together effortlessly to make this puzzle picture of this beautiful image I had dreamt up in my head.

 [I suppose it was also my mistake to build a vision based off teasers that you fed my imagination about our possible future together. Another question… how was I supposed to know how confused you were, when you seemed so sure about me? Remove everyone from the group discussion that is “us”, and just leave you and me. From what you have told ME, how am I supposed to think?]

 I saw into the deepest, darkest, untouched corners of your soul... and I made myself at home, offering my time and help to unpack your baggage WITH YOU. I suppose that was my mistake, huh? To make myself too available to you...I mean, where was the fun in that for you? Where was the challenge? Once you knew you had me wrapped around your finger, why continue to try… right? It's not your fault I got attached and allowed myself to be a fool for you. Maybe "fool" isn’t the right word... you didn't intentionally fool me... but I definitely made myself oblivious to the extent of where you were (are... you're not dead... just no longer an active part of my life.) in your journey, and what that would mean for you... for us... and in turn me...

 [To my dismay, you're one of the most genuine, honest people I've ever encountered in my life... which has been not only a blessing to my life and shown me how amazing love can feel, but also a burden to my heart now that I've lost you to the black abyss that is known as the "unforeseeable future". How do you un-taste the sweetest of fruit that fed your soul? I can’t ask myself this question without also begging the question of “How do you un-taste the most sour of fruit that left a scowl on your face?” ]

 But I also need to take my “graduation goggles” off and be honest with myself… I love(d) you fiercely. With my words and my actions. I made a point to make sure a day never went by without you knowing how much I loved you, and I chose to do so even when it wasn’t being reciprocated. It was my choice to stay and ride it out. This doesn’t pardon you for your actions, but I do share the burden of where this relationship failed.

 I don’t hate you- as much as I fucking wish I could, because I know that none of your actions were done with malicious intent (Even though, ghosting my ass was super uncool. Hopefully one day we can clear the air regarding that because, my heart, ego, and trust took a pretty big hit from that.)... but if I’m being real with you right now, I’m pretty upset with you [but still love you deeply]. You still have my a huge chunk of my heart, which is partially why the hurt runs so deep.

 Bone shakingly deep.

 If you were to call me and say that you needed me, I would still drop everything and be there for you. Even after everything is all said and done. And that’s honest.. And probably not healthy. hah.I can’t just sit here on this plane and pretend to myself or anyone else that I wouldn’t.  

 As much as we may think our curious minds may be up to the task of trying to understand emotions, we’re not always. Some things are out of your control and you can only control how you respond to the circumstances that find you. Shitty. I know. Trust me, I’m definitely not happy about it either...

 Suspended in air and time.

 Flying is such a beautiful thing. There's something romantic about the idea of soaring above everything and stopping time almost. Whenever I fly anywhere, it's like time freezes. Maybe that's why flights can be so emotional? Because for even those few hours, you're floating above all of the commotion and distractions, and for those moments that you’re suspended in the air, you can't run from the way you feel. I'm writing this right now as I'm on a plane ride home from LA, and had to take a break to allow myself to cry. Shit's intense, and luckily I'm on this flight that is only half full. Hah. I’ve gotten really good at crying in public. In the past 6 weeks it’s kinda become my thing.

 The moral here, after all this drawn out writing and me trying to purge myself of all my anger, hurt, frustration, and ultimately love IS: I was fine before you. I’m currently not… but I know that I will be again. You may never re-enter my life, but then again you might. Either way, I need to move on. And I’m making my peace with that.

Now listen to this song.